Top Ten Questions We'd Ask the Cast of Avatar
by Seriously Yours
Summary: FINALLY COMPLETE Remember all those burning questions that kept you awake at night? Who's Sokka's latest love interest? Did someone replace Zhao's razor with a lawn mower? Lose sleep no more. Here are the answers.
1. Chapter 1

**We do not own Avatar, if we did Zuko's scar will miraculously disappear and his hair would grow back. (C'mon guys the scar doesn't give him _character_ but it sure gives mea _head ache_)**

**The character descriptions are taken from Wikipedia . org It's an amazing site. **

**Some parts of the story are extracted from the script of The Matrix. **

**Forgive us but the lure was strong.**

**Please don't sue! We meant no wrong.**

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**Top Ten Questions We'd ask the cast of Avatar.**

**_This idea came out of nowhere when we were reading a self-insertion. Have you noticed that self-insertions follow the same old tune? The Self-inserted individuals are drop dead gorgeous and most are like storm/shadow/light/love/plant/beast/shit benders. There are so few great one's out there…like "Everyone else is doing it" by Lin13 (go read it and enjoy). _**

**_It's really annoying how the transplanted individuals always end up with the main characters and half of the story line is from the Bold and the Beautiful. Well guess what this is a self-insertion with a twist. We don't want the characters to fall in love with us, we just want them to survive our encounter. Muwahahaaha._**

_**Sit back and enjoy.**_

**Imagine this…**

The camera takes you out of a limousine and travels up a tall glass skyscraper. While you go up, you see people working in their small cubicles; you see window cleaners and reflections of the city below you. When you reach the middle of the building, the camera leans back a little to show you large letters. You lean back more and see the entire name of the building: BAAL INDUSTRIES. You continue in the journey up this building and just as you reach the top most floor, you go in through the tall French windows to see a long ebony table with black high backed chairs and two chairs at the head of the table. At the end of the boardroom you see a 16th century fire place set into the wall.

You don't linger in the room, suddenly you go through the door and you find yourselves behind a boy dressed completely in black. Black shoes, socks, shirt, coat, trousers and glasses. Next to him is a girl in complete white, white dress, gloves and cloak_. That's me_. The camera stops behind us just as the boy says, "Here comes the morons". The camera turns towards the lift just as it opens and eight people step out, escorted by two agents dressed in black. There is a boy with a blue arrow on his forehead and with him two teenagers both dressed in blue. Behind them are a host of men in red armor. One is short and tubby who is examining the surroundings with interest, next to him is a teen with a scarred face who is sneering in distaste. Behind them are two men in chain mail. One who shares an alarming similarity to a primate and another whose face is concealed by a black veil. Amidst all the males is another girl in ornamental robes who is bound and gagged.

"Welcome, Avatarians to the headquarters of Baal Industries. I'm your host La Femme and this is Lord Baal. We hope you enjoy your visit."

Everyone takes in the boy and the girl's appearances.

"But first I have something important to tell you." The boy says.

"You might feel like Alice in wonderland right now, not knowing where you are. You are but a pawn in an enormous chessboard. You want to know what the Matrix is Neo? Well no one can tell you what it is; you have to see for yourself." Baal takes out a pack of pills and empties them into his hands. He then divides the red pills onto his left hand and blue pills to his right hand.

"If you decide to take the blue pill you wake up in your bed and believe what you want to believe. If you decide to take the red pill you come with me and see how far the rabbit hole goes". Baal nods to himself. "I always wanted to do that" he smiles and looks at the guests.

Blank looks greeted him. Baal sighs.

I decide to intervene. "Ok people, let's make this simple. Blue pill and you go home. Red pill and you stay here but you lose the ability to bend."

"What's in it for us?" Zaho demands. I take him aside and whisper, "If you agree to this interview I'll guarantee the Avatar captured and bound awaiting you when you're ready to leave."

"It's a deal." Zhao grins and takes the pill.

"What was that?" Zuko demands, stepping forward. I isolate him and Iroh and deliver my bribe. It's very easy…all I have to do is insert the magic words in any random sentence. "Banana tulips are dancing the tango with a complementary barrel of Ginseng tea and your honor will be restored in a distant galaxy two light years away."

"Fine" Zuko nods gulping down the capsule looking longingly at Ozai. Iroh takes out a napkin and wipes the drool from Zuko's face.

"Mmmmph" Zula forces out through her gag. "Oh I'm sorry." apologizes Lord Baal courteously and frees her mouth, but before she can say a word (or breathe fire); he inserts the pill and holds her nose. Zula has no choice but to swallow. Baal reinserts the gag. He looks around at Lord Ozai and raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug. Ozai had climbed in to the fireplace and was now sitting amidst the cackling flames. Something tells us to leave him alone.

"If that's that, please be seated." I wave my hand over to the ebony table that stretches across the room. There is mild confusion as the Avatarians stride around reading the nameplates beside each seat.

The seating arrangements were such that the right side of the table contained the Avatar, the water bender and the boy warrior. The left side was dedicated to the fire nation. The two interviewers sat at the head of the table. Even to the untrained eye, the seating pattern would seem to divide the room in to the "good" side, the "bad" side and the Ogre in the fire.

"Ok first of all there will be a brief introduction about each of today's participants… Lord Baal if you please…"

Baal went to a nearby filing cabinet, came back with six files, and arranged them on the table. All the files were named WIKIPEDIA. He opened the first one and began to read.

"_Katara is a 14-year-old Water bender who, along with her brother, found Aang in an iceberg. Having lost her mother in a Fire Nation raid and with her father in the war, Katara is mature beyond her age and determined to end the war. -- or at least never stop trying."_ Baal looks at Katara and smirks, "Yeah right! From the way you treat Aang, you are just a jealous little—" I cough and Baal stops his insult. He smirks and continues. _"Being the only surviving Water bender of her tribe, Katara has no one to teach her how to water bend. Katara practices rudimentary water bending on her own every day and longs to find a master Water bender to teach her, so she can live up to her potential and become a great Water bender in order to save her tribe."_ Baal stops. "I thought Sokka was going to save your tribe, not you! Not that you can save the tribe anyway, you just hid behind Gran Gran when Zuko came barging in." Katara's face darkened but she kept quiet. _"Katara is the self-appointed caretaker of the young Avatar and the leader of the group -- not to mention the older girl who has become Aang's crush."_ Baal coughs into his hands, and both Katara and Aang blush.

"_Although Katara is wise for her age, she doesn't know everything. Katara's newly tapped power is "healing" as revealed in the episode "The Deserter". There is also some speculation by fans that Katara was/is supposed to be the next incarnation of the Avatar after Aang."_ Baal closes the file and opens the next one.

"_Sokka is Katara's 15-year-old warrior brother. Sokka is loyal, courageous, proud, headstrong, and very protective of his sister. He's also clueless, pig-headed, and distrustful of "magic" (his word for bending)._" Baal stops and makes a piggy sound, everyone except Sokka laugh. _"He prefers to use strength, determination, ingenuity, and his boomerang (given to him by his father) to get out of troubles. _

"Yeah your trusty Boomerang…I bet my life if it doesn't return to you due to the laws of physics you'd lose it within seconds." Baal stops and pokes his tongue and opens the next file.

"_Prince Zuko is a disgraced 16-year-old prince of the Fire Nation._"

Zuko gnashes his teeth.

"_When the story begins, he has been banished and is never allowed to return home unless he can fulfill a seemingly impossible mission: find and capture the Avatar. Of course, no one has anticipated the lost Avatar would ever return, so Zuko's banishment was intended to be permanent. His crime? Speaking out against a general who planned to allow hundreds of young men to needlessly die in battle. His father took offense that Zuko would question his superiors and decided to personally duel him in the Fire Duel, Agni Kai, but did not tell Zuko he would be his opponent until they were in the ring. When Zuko saw whom he would be dueling, he fell to his knees and begged for mercy."_ Here Baal stopped and laughed saying, "Coward!" Zuko tried to get up but Iroh pulled him back on to the chair.

"_He refused to fight his own father, and for his perceived cowardice, he was given a horrible scar on his face, stretching back over his ear, before being banished." _"You don't have to describe it, you know!" Zuko shouted while fighting with his Uncle's grip. Baal gave Zuko a glance, which said I don't care what you say, and continued reading._ "During his two years in exile, he has trained himself to become a powerful Fire bender. Focused, driven, intelligent, and honorable, but very bitter, Zuko is obsessed with what he believes is his destiny: capturing the Avatar, in order to redeem his honor and be accepted back by his father, the Fire Lord Ozai. Zuko is desperate to regain his throne, but is also learning that there are more important things. Such as the safety of his uncle and his crew. It has been confirmed that Zuko has a younger sister, as seen in the memories of a little girl running with him. Her name is Zula and she is the girl smiling at Zuko's punishment. It is also said that Zuko is for all his vices a handsome young man."_ Baal chokes, "Yeah right! You can call my deformed cow handsome and that would fit". _"In addition, Zuko does have some good in him even though he constantly tries to deny that. Zuko's sister Zula is truly the evil of the banished prince and little princess pair for it is said that she has no honor and is a ruthless girl and does not like Zuko and tries to make sure he gets all the punishments possible. It could also be said that Zula wants to take her brother's throne."_

"With that, I agree with my whole heart" said Baal and moved on to the next document. Katara wiped away some tears. Baal gave her one look and shook his head.

"_Iroh is Prince Zuko's uncle, advisor, brother to the Fire Lord, and a retired general. He would rather lounge, eat, and make peace in his old age than fight in the war but is a strong opponent, nonetheless. Iroh has more to him than meets the eye._ _Although he rarely shows it, Iroh loves his nephew a good deal and tries to protect him. The pain on his face when he tells of Zuko's punishment is heartbreaking. Earth Kingdom soldiers also refer to him as the "Dragon of the West" after he is captured in the two-part "Winter Solstice" episode" _Here Baal looked up. "You know if you dumb idiots give such cool names like "Dragon of the West" for a guy who sits around draining tea leaves, I'll come to your land any day. Do you think they'll call me Supa Dupa Milk of Magnesia?"

"_Ozai is leader of the Fire Nation, making him Zuko's father and Iroh's brother. His features are always shadowed, and his actions are stoic and cold, even to his own family, as he is directly responsible for Zuko's horrible scar. Even though his features are always shadowed, we did see a glimpse of what he looked like in puppet form in the episode "The Deserters". He wears traditional fire nation robes, and has a long brown beard, he also wears a crown"_ Baal glances at the fire and makes a face. "I'm a man of reason. Therefore I bet you have a pretty good reason to wear a veil Ozai, so what ever you do don't take the damn thing off; I just had my breakfast."

"_Formerly known as Commander Zhao before a promotion in "The Blue Spirit" is a ruthless leader of the Fire Nation Navy and a powerful Fire bender. He wants to capture the Avatar before Prince Zuko does or take the Avatar from Zuko if Zuko captures the Avatar first. First appeared in "The Southern Air Temple." As seen in "The Storm", his hatred of Zuko goes back many years and the sadism he displayed at Zuko's marring is chilling. As of the episode "The Blue Spirit," this character was promoted to Admiral, indicating that the Fire Nation is taking the Avatar situation much more seriously."_ Baal dumped the files in the waste bin and turned to face the crowd. "What I want to know is what's with side burns? Seriously, Dude, do you cut them with a blunt lawn mower?

Baal introduced everyone except Aang.

"What about the Avatar?" Zuko demands from Lord Baal, who is lounging in his seat.

"What about him?" Baal drawls.

"How come you didn't say something nasty about _him_ huh? Why is it always _ME?_

"The Avatar?" Baal throws a glance at Aang who perks up and eagerly awaits a question.

Baal smirks:

"Well…His overly large eyes distract me from any personality he might have."

Katara jumps up and slams her fist on the table, "You can't treat Aang like _that_! He is the Avatar. He is the master of all elements. He is the saviour of our world. Aang is a hero to us _all_."

"Count me out," grumbles Sokka. "No way" snaps Zuko. "That'll be the day." Scowls Zaho, "Zzz" snores Baal.

"SHUT UP." Katara screams and takes a deep breath. I know what is coming and hurry to cut her off.

"Please Katara, time is short. This next question is for you." Katara snaps her mouth shut and regards me sullenly. I'm stupid, even after sixteen episodes I don't recognize danger when its blue eyes are boring holes into me.

"Ok this is something fans every where are wondering. You have a yo yo affair with Aang, shared a romantic sunset with Haru, a tree top romance with Jet and the Stockholm syndrome with Zuko. Have you made up your mind yet?" I grin foxily while holding a 'VOTE ZUTARA' board behind my back. "So who's the lucky guy gonna be?"

Katara is still standing. She turns purple. She turns red. Then she does the four worst things that come into her head.

She-

Slaps me.

Water whips me.

Freezes me to the chair.

And then the worst:

Starts monologing.

"Whoa whoa whoa" Baal holds up his hands and hurry to unstick me from my

Frozen-Throne. Katara stalks off to stare out of the French windows.

I crawl to the fireplace to thaw out, mindful not to get too close to the monster within.

After stabilizing my body temperature, I return to my seat at the head of the table and regard my audience.

Iroh is grinning while jabbing Zuko with his elbow. Zuko is sulking and Zaho is looking as if the defeat of Ba Sin Sei (or any equivalent of Christmas) had come early. Sokka on the other hand looked scandalized.

"Katara I'm sorry." I call out. "Er…the girls in my land are like really loose and really fast … I'm sorry for dishonoring you by assuming that you were like them."

The water bender walks over to her seat. "Apology accepted"

I smile at her and try to salvage what is left of my dignity. There's not much.

"Ok next question is out to our favorite banished Prince."

"Do you _Have _to remind me?" Zuko sneers.

Baal interjects, "Yes… as a matter of fact I feel like the entire drill. Zuko was _banished _two years ago because he was _dishonored_ by _refusing _to fightin an Agni Kai. His father declared that he was a _disgrace…_"

Ozai smirks in his fiery throne.

"Silence you fool" roared Zuko racing towards Baal and threw a punch at him stopping inches from his face. Baal didn't even flinch.

"No Flames Zuko! The red pill, remember?" Baal laughs.

Zuko steps back for a moment and suddenly lunges at Baal tackling him out of his chair. Everyone stares as the two sixteen year olds have a very violent fistfight, which ends with Zuko breaking Baal's nose and both of them ending up near the door pulling at each other's hair.

I come over and pull them apart, Zuko throws me off saying, and "I don't need help from a peasant"

"Hey watch who you call peasant, you big bald head!" I retort.

"Who did you call bald!" Zuko takes a step towards me.

"Come Prince Zuko. Let's get this over with," Iroh said calmly.

"Yes, let's go on. No more fighting" Baal said coming back to his chair wiping his bloody nose. He throws an ugly look at Zuko, which is heartily returned.

"So Zhao, what do you plan to do when you get promoted again?" I ask politely as possible.

"When I get promoted I will continue serving the Fire Lord," Zhao said inflating his chest.

"Then what are these stories about you marrying Zula here" Baal points out Zula with a pencil, "and trying to kill Ozai so that you can rule the fire nation."

"What is this mutiny? I will never do such an atrocious thing!" Zaho said looking at Ozai who shifted slightly in his fireplace.

"Truth hurts doesn't it Zhao?" Baal smirks.

"You!" Zhao makes to stand up but Ozai's fire starts to burn brighter and everyone becomes quiet. I immediately take out a fire extinguisher.

"Ok, enough about Zhao. Sokka we have information from a reliable source that when you reach the North Pole you fall in love with a princess. Any comments?" everyone turns and stares at Zula, who goes red.

"No, no. Not her!" Baal shakes his head. "Sokka will fall for a royal girl but we don't know whom. What I want to know is, Sokka why the hell did you dump Suki?"

"I didn't…I…you…liar!" Sokka hollers in Baal's face. I see Baal take out a handkerchief and wipe his face off all the spit.

"I see that you are a fast case. By the end of the next book, maybe you'll have nine more girls," I say sharing a small grin with Katara.

Sokka tries to take out his boomerang but cannot find it.

"Looking for this?" Baal says holding up the boomerang.

"Give it to me!" Sokka shouts, again spitting all over Baal.

"How come you have so much spit?" Baal asks wiping his face with an increasingly soaked handkerchief.

Zhao grunts. The next thing happened so fast that I almost missed it. Baal shot across the table taking out a small knife and just as he reached Zhao, cuts out his side burns.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zhao screams, as his precious little hair flutters off into the fire. Baal dusts off his hands. "Man I hated those damn side burns."

Suddenly Zhao begins to glow and Katara and Zula's jaws drop on to the ebony table. Believe me, even I have to gasp. Zaho is _actually_ good looking without the bushes on his face.

Sokka and Zuko cover their sisters' eyes. The spells is broken when Ozai suddenly starts to cough.

"What's wrong big guy?" Baal asks totally unconcerned.

"Hair! Hair!" Ozai cries clutching his throat.

I let the hacking subside.

"Ozai, next question is for you. What do you hide behind that ugly cheap veil of yours?" Baal smiles as he sees the fire rapidly increasing height.

"Do you want suffering to be your teacher?" Ozai says like a broken record.

"No actually Mr. Reilly is my teacher, and next to him suffering is _nothing_!"

Ozai breathes fire while trying to get up and knocks his head on the wall. He sits back down.

I step closer to the fireplace and I say, "Last question Mr. Ozai. Who is your wife? Where is she? Is she dead? Why do you hate Zuko?"

"That's _not_ one question!" Ozai thunders.

"Yeah, but she asked it in one breath so technically it's still one question" Baal replies snottily.

"Mahhhhhhhhh! I don't have a wife. She's nowhere. She's dead. I don't know and don't care." Ozai answers the questions in the best way he can.

I watch Zuko's face as it resembles all the colors red, blue and green can turn into.

"Why don't you ask the Avatar questions?" Zuko asks angrily after a minute's silence.

"Well, he's too short. I only allow people who have their heads above the table to come into my boardroom. I made an exception today, to allow him to listen to our conversation. Oh and did I mention that I don't like midgets?" Baal concludes with a smirk.

Katara's face turns an ugly purple color.

"You better let your blood flow. I certainly don't want a death in my hands. The media will have a field day," Baal said flinging the pencil at her.

The result was instantaneous. I barely saw Katara jump across the table and bite Baal's ear.

"AHHHHHH! A cannibal!" Baal screams clutching his bleeding ear. He runs out of the room cursing about man-eating humans and rabid girls.

Silence ensures while Sokka edges away from Katara.

"Ok! Iroh I have to ask you. Will you ever get together with Jun?" I ask just as Baal comes back with a bandaged ear and a plastered nose.

"Ahhh, Jun…… I dream about the day we meet again every night" Iroh said his eyes glazing over.

"Ah, I see a person who's in love but can't get what he wants" Baal said giving a weary look at Katara.

"Yes thank you for that insight Baal" "Aang, do you think you can defeat the Fire Lord?" I said sweetly, feeling sorry for leaving the Avatar out of the conversation.

"I…I hope so" Aang said looking down.

"Who's speaking?" Baal suddenly sat up straight and looked around. "I heard a disembodied voice!"

"It's me!" Aang said poking his hand from under the table.

"Ahh! I see a hand without a body!" Baal recoiled in his chair, kicking Aang in the process.

"Ow!" Aang cried touching his foot.

"Leave HIM ALONE!" Katara shouted getting up and chasing Baal around the room, stopping only when Zuko put out his foot tripping Baal.

After they both punched the hell out of Baal, I heard him say, "Who ever said your, enemy's enemy is your friend?"

I gave a slight worried smile at Katara. Who gave me a glare and said, "If he touches him again I'll…I'll…"

"Yeah, yeah we get it," Baal said sitting down still rubbing his bruised body.

"Who wants the next question?" Baal asked looking at Zula but Aang put his hand up again. Baal made as if to say something insulting but he saw Katara's raised fist and decided against it.

"Ok, Aang let me ask you something, can you learn all the elements before the comet arrives?"

"Of course I can." Aang replied cheerfully. Baal slaps himself and tries to pull off his hair.

"Are- you- sure?" Baal asks.

"Ah…Ye…No" Aang answers sadly.

"Then why the hell do you take all these bloody detours? Why don't you bloody well go to the earth kingdom and learn bloody earth bending and then the fire nation and fire bending and finish this bloody story?" Baal exploded pointing his new pencil at Aang.

Aang cowered under the table. Katara and Sokka stood up, seeing the sign Baal got up and ran out of the room with Katara and Sokka at his heels.

Watching this, all the others in the room except me (of course) laughed beating their hands on the table.

"The Avatar doesn't know all the elements?" Zuko said pointing a long finger at Aang.

"The funny thing is the Avatar doesn't even know all the elements and still Zuko couldn't capture him!" Zaho shouted touching his non-existent sideburns. Zaho and Zula hit the floor with absolute mirth. Zuko looked livid.

"I am the Prince of the fire nation, you cannot disrespect me in that way!" Zuko shouted looking ready to kill.

"You are no longer the Prince of the fire nation, you are banished and will never be accepted, whether you capture the Avatar or not!" Ozai shouted from the other side of the room. "From what I see, you will never capture the Avatar!" Ozai let out a booming laugh.

Baal came running into the room and was just about to jump into his seat when Sokka and Katara jumped on him and started to scream in his ear.

"YOU WILL NEVER INSULT AANG AGAIN!" Katara screamed.

"IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU!" Sokka roared.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I'M LORD BAAL, I DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE!" Baal roared back. Katara took out her water pouch and stuffed it in Baal's mouth effectively ending the shouting match.

Zuko who had been glaring at Zaho for a long time, jumped on him and they started fighting.

Zula jumped on Katara and those two proceeded to tear each other's limbs out.

Sokka gave one look at Ozai, decided against it and jumped on Iroh instead.

Ozai watched the fight before him with an amused eye. Meanwhile I unstuck the water pouch from Baal's mouth and asked him what we should do.

Baal took out a loudspeaker and shouted into it so that sound waves bounced around the room cracking some of the windows.

"Stop this frigging fight NOW!"

Everyone stopped fighting and looked at Baal who was beside himself with rage.

"Everyone get out of my building immediately!" A stream of protests greeted this sentence.

"I was promised the Avatar!" Zaho shouted.

"I was promised my honor!" Zuko yelled.

"I was promised Ginseng tea!" Iroh pouted.

"I was…forced to come here!" Zula screamed.

"Fine! We'll leave" Katara and Sokka said shooting threatening looks at Baal.

"If Katara's going then I'm going," Aang said.

"If everyone's leaving then I'm stayin-" Ozai started to say when Baal cut him off.

"Don't even_ think_ about staying here buster!"

"One more question everyone before you go." I said cheerfully.

"Ahhh!" a collective groan came from the crowd.

I threw my final question at them hoping against hope that they will make something out of it.

"What would you do if life gave you lemons?"

"Screw it" Baal snarled striding to the door.

"Make lemon tea" Iroh replied.

"Squirt it in Zaho's eye!" Zuko said.

""Dude! Lemons? What the Hell?" Sokka cried. "Of all the things you could give me? Lemons? I mean come on? What were you thinking? Dammit! These stupid things are only like 3 for a copper at the grocery store. Hey, this one has a brown spot too. What is this? You're a cheap bastard. Giving me lemons for my birthday, hell, why not just give me a losing lottery ticket, or how 'bout some stupid ass shirt from your trip to Omashu. Hey, about Omashu, you invite Katara, but you didn't invite me? I thought we were mates? No! Don't try to say you're sorry. No, you had the chance, you obviously don't give a crap about me, maybe I should just crawl in a hole and die. Would you like that? Huh? You want to see me die? Yeah, I bet you would. You've never liked me since the day we met. Why not just say it? Don't you have the balls? You had the balls to give me these rotten-ass lemons, but you can't just say 'hey, I don't really like you'. What's your problem. Are you too good for me? Is that it? I don't fit in with your friends? Yeah, well you know what? &# you! Get the &# out of here. I hate you. Here, take your Lemons and get out! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!"

"Riii…iiight" I say taking five steps away from the foaming Sokka. "You have some issues. Ok What about you lot…" I redirect my query at the silent participants. "What would you do if life gave you lemons?"

"Make lemonade (without sugar) and pour it down your enemy's throat." Katara said giving a significant look at Baal who edged away.

"Give it to Appa or Momo?" Aang said uncertainly.

"Ah the lemony goodness!" Ozai snickered.

"Read the small print before you accept _anything_" Zula pouted.

"Poke it up your arse!" Zaho said angrily.

"Ok gentlemen and ladies you may leave" Baal shouted and he himself fled the office before Katara got her slimy hands on his neck again.

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_**Hey hey guys. I know what you're thinking…that we have some serious anger management issues. Lol. That is sooooo not the case. (if you don't believe me, meet me out back…# cracks knuckles #)**_

**_Now don't feel bad about Baal dissing Katara. He's in denial. ( Boys!)_**

_**Anywayz we hope you enjoyed this cuz chapter two will be out soon.**_

_**Thanks a lot for reading.**_

_**Please review and tell us what you think,**_

_**La Femme & Lord Baal**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: We don't own Avatar "the Last Fart Bender". Oops We own _that_ ! just not Avatar the last air bender.**

**Top Ten Questions We'd Ask the Cast II**

**Another Day. Another Interview.**

I stood at ease and regarded the small group of teens in front of me. Ozai, Iroh and Zhao are absent._ No one can say I didn't learn from my mistakes._

"Avatarians; welcome to the headquarters of Baal Industries. I'm your host La Femme and I hope you enjoy today's conference."

"Will you please take these anti-bending pills" I held out the red pills but no one made a move to take them. I gave a shrug, "Well, I had to try".

"Where is the guy in black?" Zuko asked looking into the boardroom.

"Baal? He is in a meeting" I looked at the faces of Zuko and Katara, and was pleased to see that they were relieved. "He caused too many problems last time and we didn't make any progress so I thought we should exclude him from this discussion."

"_Finally_, you show signs of intelligence." Zuko sneered.

"Please take your seats," I said ignoring him and stepping into the boardroom. When everyone was settled down, I began, "As you can see, we have new members in our little 'club'."

"Who's that idiot?" Zuko said pointing at Jet who flashed his hooks menacingly.

"Zuko meet Jet. Jet meet Zuko." I started the introductions.

"Everyone this is Haru, Haru everyone." I said pointing at Haru.

"Everyone Suki, Suki everyone." Suki gave a small smile. Zuko gave her a full-blown glare.

"Suki? Weren't you the one the Baal guy was talking about?" Zuko said looking at Sokka.

Sokka blushed. Suki blushed. Zuko laughed. I immediately intervened.

"Ok, first question to Haru. Will you and your father be seen in Ba Sin Sei?"

"Yes, but how did you know that? My father, along with the other benders, is going to Ba Sin Sei to help with the war. We believe that the Earth Nation capital will be the first place the fire lord will attack when he gets power from the comet."

"Yes that was a very _beautiful _answer, but it was rather boring. Therefore, I'll ask you another question. Why do you look like a girl?"

"Do I?" Haru asked adjusting his bandana.

"Yeah I mean you have better hair than Pamela Anderson. What's your secret? "

"I dunno. Maybe it's because my mother brushes it every night? A hundred strokes." Haru shrugged modestly.

"I wish my mom was like that." I said but I'm cut short by Zuko's derisive snort.

Ever the diplomat I keep my peace "_Any thing_ troubling you Zuko?"

"Yeah. I can't help but wonder _what_ your mother would brush?" the scarred Prince points out my short bangs.

"Ladies and gentleman you have witnessed a classic case of a pot calling the kettle black." I smile, reaching out to tap Zuko's shaven head_, (and retract my fingers as a jet of flame misses them by inches.)_

"Pot?" Aang gives me a weird look. I start laughing remembering our fanfic _Why you shouldn't sniff Iroh's stuff._

"Kettle?" Sokka raises an eyebrow.

"Oh that's right." Katara fires up. "You don't know what a kettle is. Because you're the _warrior_ and you don't have _time _to help in the kitchen. So let's just leave the cleaning up and the cooking to the girls and go off to battle the forces of _evil. Right _Sokka?" She finishes her passionate monologue with a knock to her brothers oddly shaped head.

"Hey" Sokka grumbles.

"Watch it!" Suki stands up. "Katara show your brother some respect. Just because the safety of his entire tribe has fallen on his strong shoulders does _not_ give _you_ any right to hassle him about not helping out with your chores. I myself don't know how to cook or clean. The men of our village do _all_ the house work."

"Well then you're _perfect _for my brother aren't you? I'd love to see your house. It'll look no better than a pig sty and smell worse than Zuko's breath."

"Hey" yells Zuko, but to be on the safe side he holds up his hand to his mouth and exhales….and promptly faints.

"STOP right there!" I pound the table and the noise subsides. I walk over to a filing cabinet and return with some business cards. "Suki here's the number of a professional maid. Katara here's the address of a 'Women's rights Organization.' And Zuko…" here I look down upon the sprawled form of the unconscious Prince. I allow the card to flutter down to his prone body. "Zuko here's a free voucher for a life time's supply of _Miracle _breath mints."

"Thanks" Suki and Katara say at the same time.

"Ok, a question to our dear Zula. Why do you hate your brother so much?"

Zula returns to her seat after beating Zuko to pulp.

"What did you say? How can you say such a thing! I love him the way my esteemed father does! I don't know what gave you the idea that I hate him!" Zula replied sweetly.

"Ah, yes that was quite a convincing answer. So tell me, if you love him the way your father loves him, then where's the scar that _you_ gave him?" I said smirking.

"Believe me you don't want to know!" Zula let out a hideous laugh.

"Hey La Femme!" Baal enters the room and sees all the people. His face darkens.

"What's the meaning of this betrayal? Who called these people to _my_ boardroom?" he shouts as he looks around the room. He suddenly spots Zuko's unmoving body, lunges at him, and proceeds to smash him on the head with his briefcase.

I come over and pull him off. "C'mon Baal, don't act like a kid!" That puts an end to the fight.

He takes off his coat, throws it over Zuko, and takes his seat. He looks around imperiously.

"Hi there Jet! How many old people have you killed lately?" Baal smirks when he sees Jet go red.

"I have flooded another village, and failed yet again," Jet said sadly.

"Yes, the fire nation has you recorded as the worlds ugliest and worst warrior, next to Sokka." Baal said.

"Hey!" Sokka retorted and was about to jump on him when Suki threw a blade edged fan at Baal that nearly cut his head off.

"Don't say such a thing about Sokka ever! He's a good warrior!" Suki said glaring at Baal.

"I wouldn't want to come between you two. But when I say what I have to say you won't be defending Sokka for much long," Baal said plucking the fan out of his chair.

"What have you got to say?" Suki said looking at Sokka. Sokka looked away.

"Sokka will dump y—"

I cut him off. "Why don't you try asking some questions instead of handing out heart breaks?"

"But, that'll be boring" Baal said glancing around for his next victim. Suddenly…

"My, my, doesn't someone look good today…" Baal purred looking straight at Katara.

Katara looked at Baal suspiciously but when his gaze did not waver she blushed a little, but it was short lived because just then Baal completed his sentence.

"…NOT! You're the most un-sexy thing I have ever seen in my life!" Baal laughed before getting out of his chair and holding the unconscious Zuko as a human shield while Katara pounded away blindly.

While Katara and Baal had their fight, I turned to Suki.

"Do you think that your relationship with Sokka was meant to be?"

"I think so, even though it was a small kiss to the cheek" Suki blushed.

"Ok, who else is there?" I asked looking around. A hand came up from under the table.

"Aang, what is being the Avatar like?" I asked pulling him from under the table and seating him on a baby chair.

"Well, you feel powerful" Aang said simply.

"Besides that?" I said patiently.

"You feel strong," Aang said.

"Besides that?" I asked losing patience.

"I feel as if I have a large load on my shoulders," Aang said looking at his shoulders. "Oh wait there IS a load on my shoulders" Aang said and threw down the 10 ton weights that Baal had just kept on him.

Baal joined my side once again.

"Do you cry when you remember Monk Gyatso?" Baal asked looking at Aang.

"Sometimes. We were more than friends" Aang replied. Baal's eyes widened but before he could say anything, I immediately left my seat and hugged him. Katara came over and pried my hands off him.

"Leave him alone! He's mine!" Katara said a murderous glint in her eye.

"So you finally confess? Katara likes _Aang_!" Baal got on the table and started singing "Katara and Aang sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-ump!"

Katara swept Baal's feet off the tabletop and stuffed all the business cards in his mouth.

"Ok Ok, so you _don't_ like Aang. Will you two follow Aang to the ends of the fire nation?" I ask pulling Baal back to his chair.

"I can't say, if he ever hides something from us ever again… or if we die" Sokka said in his off hand manner.

"I will accompany Aang until the moment he meets with the Fire Lord." Katara said proudly. Aang gave her his charming smile.

"Yeesh! What a lie! The moment Zuko gives you a chance to marry him and be his banished princess you will lure Aang in to a trap and let Zuko capture him." Baal looks at the ugly expression on Katara, the dangerous look on Sokka's face, and the uncertain and suspicious look on Aang's face and continues. "You will betray Aang and your brother without blink or a backward glance, in short you are a—"

Just then, Zuko jumped on Baal and while punching him shouted, "I will NOT marry the water PEASENT GIRL!"

"YES YOU WILL! YOU ARE A TRAITOR KATARA!" Baal shouts over Zuko's punches.

Katara came over Baal and started to hit him too.

"I WILL NEVER BETRAY AANG! I LO—" Katara stopped in mid sentence. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at Katara. She blushed madly.

"_What _did you say, Katara?" Sokka said.

"Did you say that you _love_ me?" Aang said his overly large eyes going even bigger and falling of his chair. (It seemed as if he shrunk a little too)

"Katara loves the short brat?" Baal muttered his mouth agape. "This meeting is getting too weird, let's go everyone." This time there were no arguments.

However, before anyone could even get up I began to speak.

"Hey Guys as usual my last question is open to the floor…."

"Fine, then the floor can have it." Zuko snarls.

_I finally lose my temper…_

"That's it, you spoilt brat. I'm older than you and I don't have to take your SHIT. I may admire your bad boy tendencies and that dangerous edge you've got going on is yummy. But I will NOT tolerate any of your whining. Am I CLEAR? If you so much as _twitch_ in your seat I'll drag you to the dungeons and electrocute the daylights out of you. In case you don't know what electricity is you narrow minded simpleton, imagine a thousand bolts of lightening coursing through your veins and burning you from the inside, get it?"

Complete silence greeted my words. Everyone was looking at me wearily. Katara whispered something to Baal. He grins. "Yeah she's like this _all _the time. The smiles and the handshakes were all for your benefit. Pity me mates. 24/7 of _this;_ no wonder I'm so messed up."

"Let's get on with it." I smile. No one falls for it. "I'm going to quote something and you should finish the sentence as you see fit."

"**When God was giving out brains you were…" **I spread out my hands and wait.

Sokka scratches his head, "at the loo"

"Probably out hunting the Avatar." Zuko mutters reluctantly.

"The first in line." Zula smirks.

"When God was giving out brains I was…is this a trick question?" Katara queried.

"Answer please." I insist.

"I was skinning seals."

"I was skinning Fire benders." Jet winked.

"Polishing my fans." Suki shrugged.

" Did that happen in the last hundred years cuz I was probably stuck in the ice."

Baal laughed. "Boy what a bunch of idiots. They actually fell for that."

"Give them a break Baal." I smirk. "They don't even know who God is."

"But they know what _brains _are right?"

"This meeting is officially over!" I declare and turn on my heel. _Thankfully when God was handing out brains I stole a pair. Because right now I desperately needed a replacement._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Hello Dudes and Dudettes,**

**Hee hee hee. How'd you like this one?**

**_Anywayz Chapter 3 is coming on and that will have a different tune.(hint: the "grown ups have some down time") So stay tuned for that._**

**_We love this story and we'd be thrilled if you loved it too. So please review. Your reviews make ideas crawl out of the cob-webbed crevices of our minds. (Baal says to make it clear that only _MY_ mind contains any such insect infestation. Lol)_**

_**So please leave us a line of inspiration. **_

_**Thanks a bunch,**_

_**La Femme & Lord Baal**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, guys we took down the chapter thanking the reviewers because a guardian angel pointed a better way (we still mean every word we wrote.) So the page is now posted at the end of _this _chapter so have a quick read if you haven't read it already.**

**Ok now…On with the show! **

**Top Ten Questions We'd Ask the Cast III**

_I hope their not up to any tricks. _I thought as I ran through the busy hallways of Baal Industries. My cloak bellowed behind me as my feet pounded the marble floor leading me to the elevator at the end of the hall. As I pushed the button to take me up to Boardroom V, I remembered Baal telling me that this was the fastest lift he'd ever ridden. _Yeah righ! Maybe in his imagination…but then again………_

"I'm sorry I'm late," I panted as I scooted into the lone seat at the head of the table. "You won't believe how heavy the traffic was, in the high way exit from Reality."

"Where _are_ we?" Jun asked, while slipping a silver letter opener in to her sleeve.

I pretended not to notice and replied casually. "Oh, somewhere in Baal's imagination…"

"Baal? The side burn killer? " Zhao questioned angrily. "Why are we in_ his _imagination? Haven't you got one of your own?"

"I do of course…But you see it tends to run away once in a while…I have absolutely no control over it so I kinda borrow Baal's"

"That's enough of the chit chat…On with the intros…" I looked around and smiled. "I believe the only new face here is Jun" I gestured towards the Femme Fetale and continued.

"Jun is a bounty hunter who uses the unique sensory power of her pet Shir-shu to track down her prey. She was employed by Prince Zuko in his hunt for the Avatar. But we all know the only result of _that_ partnership was a full heart and a half empty vault wasn't it?" I winked at Iroh, who flashed me a knowing smile.

"Ok Zhao, let's start with you. Are you married?" I fired the question hoping to catch the Admiral off guard.

Zhao, who was stroking his newly re-grown side burns grinned foxily. "That depends…" he smirked, "on whether or not Miss Jun is…"

Jun regarded Zhao's intense stare coolly. She leaned back on her chair and raised an eyebrow. "That depends…Either way it'll cost you fifty gold to get an answer"

Iroh scowled as Zhao pushed a moneybag across the table to Jun. "And the answer is…?"

I watched in fascination as the tattooed woman deftly snatched the pouch and attached it to her waist. "The answer is…maybe" Jun answered sweetly.

"HA HA HA" Iroh and I laughed heartily at the pissed look on Zhao's face. I exchanged a high five with the smug bounty hunter.

"_Great_ burn Jun, you're an inspiration to single women_ everywhere_. Now can I please have my wristwatch back?"

After all stolen property was returned and no apologies are exchanged, I turned to Iroh who was sipping tea.

"General, First of all I just wanna say, your nephew may not give a toss but I totally think you rock…"

"Thank you my dear, I didn't fully comprehend that sentence but I'll take it as a compliment."

"See…" I tapped the table to emphasize my point (which is non-existent by the way) "That was classis Iroh…calm cool and collected. Nice feat for a fire bender."

"I digress…General I'm very curious, just like all the other fans out there…Why did you pull out of Ba Sin Sei after _six hundred _days? I'm mean you were the great _Dragon of the West_! Were the earth benders' defenses _THAT_ strong?"

Iroh smiled. "Well I…"

"Were you sick of the blood shed and the burnt flesh?"

"I…"

"Did you have enough of your brother's greed for power and destruction?"

"No. But…"

"Were you really home sick even though home was no more than a fortress of lies and corruption devoid of love?"

"Er…"

"C'mon tell me. I'm sure it's a great story."

Iroh shrugged "I ran out of tea."

"WHAT?" I choked.

"WHAT?" Zhao croaked.

"WHAT?" Ozai roared, "YOU TOLD ME YOUR SUPPLY LINES WERE CUT!"

"And that's the truth." Iroh smiled "They sank my shipment of Ginseng."

A huge fight resulted with Ozai snarling that he should have had Iroh executed for cowardice; Zhao was yelling that _he_ should have been called Dragon of the West but now Iroh had stolen _his _rightful title while Jun was howling in laughter.I looked at Iroh who continued to drain his tea and sighed. _Heroes never lived up to their standards…._

Ozai was radiating an unbearable amount of heat and even the French windows steamed up and cracked. Before I could end this nonsense a helicopter flew past announcing that** the polar ice caps were melting and the day after tomorrow was advanced to today. The president had declared a code red situation and all able citizens were to evacuate to the Himalayas.**

"OZAI, Can't you see you're making water overrun this planet! I thought you wanted Fire to dominate? Stop it at once or you'll lose this war without the Avatar even lifting a finger to stop you."

Ozai shot a fireball in my direction.

------------------------------------------**A while later-------------------------------------------------**

"Lord Ozai" I called out once the hoo ha died down. "Last time we met, you didn't tell me why you hated Zuko so I'm going to make a guess ok? Tell me if my theory is far fetched or not."

"Go ahead and try." The chilling voice boomed out from the fire place.

I took a deep breath, bit my fingernails and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I was in dangerous ground and I knew it.

"Ok here goes… Iroh has golden eyes. You have black eyes. Zuko has golden eyes…Get my drift?"

"No!"

"Fine then, lets look at this at a different angle" I licked my lips and glanced at Iroh who was whistling and avoiding my eyes. "Two brothers. One princess. One heir….Got it?"

"No! Try this." Ozai sneered. "One pissed Fire Lord. One stupid girl. A big bon fire. Got it?"

"Yeah yeah" I grumbled secretly amazed I was still alive. "Next question. Is Zula's mother and Zuko's mother the same?"

"Yes." said Ozai with a nasty look in his eye that I just couldn't figure out. I was too busy fighting my disappointment, as I was a strong supporter of the theory that Zuko's mom was Ozai's beautiful, gentle, sweet first wife and Zula's mother was the nasty, evil, twisted second queen. When in doubt DENY. So I repeated my question.

"Zuko and Zula's mothers…They're the _same_?"

"Yeah…" Ozai snickered. "The same _species_."

I stared at the fire in disbelief. The Fire Lord had _actually _made a joke. Maybe Zuko had hope left for him after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The clock ticked on…One minute past noon, two minutes past noon, three minutes past noon…(dammit what comes after three? )

Zhao drummed his fingers on the table while throwing shady glances at Jun, the oblivious bounty hunter had her feet propped up on the table and was filing her nails with_ my_ letter opener. Iroh was twirling his teacup around in its saucer. Ozai's menacing eyes were glinting at me through the flames. I was out of ideas.

"Well?" Zhao broke the silence. "That's _it_?"

_Your father raised a coward_! I completed his sentence in my head. _The next time you get in my way, I promise I won't hold back._ I answered him mentally. Woah snap out of it! I chided myself. _Last thing I want is to have conversations in my head…conversation with Brad Pitt was acceptable but with ZHAO? No way!_

"Well…this is about the time Baal disrupts the conversation, insults Katara, pounds Zuko and gets bitch slapped around. Since he's not here…I'm at a total loss."

"You share his imagination…You use his boardroom…Tell me girl…What can _you _do? Can you cook? Clean? Bend?"

"Watch it chimp!" I snapped self righteously, "I can do _stuff_…like…like…dissect rats, culture bacteria and …and…survive end of year exams…Yeah PUNK THAT"S WHAT I CAN DO!"

"Silence girl!I am the esteemed Admiral of the Fire Navy and from this point onwards, you'll refer to me as such."

"Ok, _SUCH_, now shut_ up_ and let me _think_."

I thought.

I contemplated

I mulled over.

I reflected.

I pondered.

I…_should really stop reading the thesaurus._

I came up with this.

"Let's think about what we'd be if we were food instead of people. What do you think?"

"Geez I was dragged here for _this_?" Zhao sneered.

"Sure Admiral I'll do you first!" I grinned sweetly. "You're like plain yoghurt at room temperature."

"Huh?" Zhao was stumped.

"Nobody _WANTS_ you. _Get_ it?" I snickered. Zhao scorched the table while Jun, Iroh and Ozai sniggered. "General Iroh you're next."

Iroh grinned expectantly.

"You're like….trifle."

"Wait let _me_ analyse this" Jun volunteered and Iroh perked up. "He's an unhealthy wobbly lump?"

Iroh's smile drooped and I felt like crap.

"No! He's a trifle cuz he has hidden depths."

"Hidden Depths? Yeah maybe in his ass!" Ozai cackled meanly.

"SHUT up you big bully" I truly felt sorry for General Iroh, and hurried to divert attention away from him, but Jun beat me to it.

"Do me!" she commanded. "Can I?" Zhao simpered and a got a mouth full of boot.

"Well you're like Diablo sauce." I offered. "You're fiery and hot."

"You _think_ so?" Jun winked and I backed away from her.

"And me?" Ozai growled, keen to get in on the action. (_That_ sounded sooo wrong.)

"Ha! That's easy. You're like a gummy bear."

"I'm sweet?" Ozai actually sounded pleased.

I decided I just _had _to burst his bubble. "No. Because I'd like to bite your head off!"

"ARHHAAAAAAAA" the fire lord roared as made to get out from the fireplace. On my top ten worst ways to die, No 2 was being roasted by a fire lord. Being bludgeoned by Zuko fans wasn't in the list. So I decided to tempt fate.

"WAIT! Don't you wanna hear what Zuko is?" I crossed my fingers and held my breath.

Thankfully, Ozai's anger at me was far out weighed by his hatred for his banished son. He settled back in the flames and snarled:

"It better be good!"

"Zuko's like a Durian fruit." I grinned. Ozai waited.

"He's offensive and banned in several nations."

"HA Ha ha " Jun slapped the table with her whip. "Angry Boy? I Wish he heard that! Girl you'd better run. That dude's _unstable_." Zhao nodded gleefully. Iroh looked disapproving. Ozai smiled.

I didn't. _Zuko was nothing compared to his fans_.

"What about you?" Zhao challenged.

I was ready. "I like to think of myself as poisoned honey, Admiral. Sweet but deadly." _Take that buster!_

Zhao snorted. "Yeah right! More like rancid meat. Sour, Filthy and worse than komodo shit."

"Sod off, Boiled broccoli."

"Mouldy turnips."

"Shitty carrots."

"I'm hungry!"

Zhao and I stopped our screaming fest and stared at Iroh, who shrugged. "Well I am."

"Yeah! Is this like _over_?" Jun asked impatiently.

"I guess…but I've only asked you five questions. I need to ask _Ten_!" I pouted; keen to avoid being humiliated by Baal for not having the "_imagination_" to live up to the title.

"Oh my god you're one of _them_." Jun snarled. I was nonplussed. "Who's them?"

"You know those damn psycho maniacs who have to have everything _just _right. Can't have the carpet rolled up in a corner. Throws a fit if the books aren't all straight on the shelf. Wants to scrub the floor till the komodo rhinos come home. You people make me _sick_." The fired up bounty hunter cracked her whip angrily.

"Er Jun…That's called Obsessive Compulsive disorder…and I don't have it ok? I just suffer from voices in my head that tell me to hunt down and kill people. So Relax."

"Thank _god _you're normal." Jun calmed down. "I hear them too. The one with the foreign accent is downright sexy."

Now even Ozai looked scared.

**Silently, one by one the fire nationals around the table made their way to the exit. Who ever told that talking wasn't a work out, lied! I felt like I'd run a marathon under water. (Maybe my exhaustion had some thing to do with staring death in the face by insulting Ozai. Note to self: Dissing unstable dictators burns calories.)**

"General Iroh, Jun wait!" I called hurrying over while searching my pockets.

"What's up sugar?" Jun drawled and snapped her whip on Zhao's knuckles as he tried to put his arm around her.

I walked over to Iroh and handed him a ticket, Jun got one too. "What is this Miss Femme?" Iroh asked examining the card.

"It's a VIP…er very important person pass to the best restaurant around here. You two can… you know, go there and have some fun before you leave."

"Why would I want to…." Before Jun could say anything sarcastic or in Iroh's case hurtful, I cut in. "I noticed you have a liking for shiny things…hear me out…" I held up a hand as Jun opened her mouth to protest. "This restaurant, it has silver spoons, gold napkin rings and other goodies that are pocket size…"

"I'm in" declared Jun and swept off to the elevator.

"The General goes with you or you head back home clear?" I yelled after her. Jun turned back, grabbed Iroh's hand and dragged him to the waiting lift.

"Ever heard that love can't be forced?" Ozai sneered looking at me calmly.

"Yes" I replied. "But I also heard that men don't wear veils."

A commotion at the elevator distracted Ozai from killing me.

"You can't leave with HIM" Zhao was yelling.

"I don't see _you _with a pass." Jun snickered haughtily.

"Yeah but I'll pay you to go out with me."

"You can't afford her Zhao; she's _priceless_." Iroh's tranquil tone flitted into the room.

"Everyone has a price, even sluts." Zhao raged back.

"Can I?" Iroh's voice.

"You may…" That was Jun.

"Arrrhhhhhhhhhhha Not the SIDEBURNS! Somebody get me some water!" as Zhao's footsteps pounded into the distance, Ozai and I heard Jun say slowly…

"You know…you aren't that bad looking for an old man."

"And your beauty is never a bore to my old eyes."

(giggle) "Can't say I don't enjoy someone watching out for me…"

"It is my honour. Shall we?"

"Lead the way."

The elevator doors closed silently behind them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That just left me and…

"So hey…do you um…" I stammered.

Ozai just stared.

"Ok then…you know your way out." I inched towards the exit, when Ozai remarked coolly, "Yes the same way you're about to leave."

I gulped, remembering the lift ride down ninety-eight floors. Being stuck in a box with the man I hated most in the Avatarverse was bad enough, being a human being who was not fireproof and stuck with an arsonist was worse. I considered taking the stairs. Briefly. I hated exercise. I decided I'd rather risk death.

"Ping" the elevator opened. I got in. Ozai followed. The lift doors sealed shut.

98…97…96… (_What is it about enclosed spaces that make's one drop IQ points? Because that's exactly what happened. I turned stupid.)_

"Why do you hate Zuko? He seemed to be a good son. Arrogant yeah, but aren't princes _supposed_ to be proud? He was fourteen for heaven sake! You could've just smacked him or locked him in a room! No, you just _had _to burn him. Then banish him too!"

86…85…84…

"How can you? Your own _son_! I would understand if Zula was a boy. _Then _Zuko would have been expendable. But No, he was the _only _heir. Don't you understand, when you die…believe me you _will_ die, bottom feeders like Zhao without a drop of royal blood will worm there way into power. Don't you want your bloodline to continue? Oh before I forget, keep a close eye on that daughter of yours; people seem to think she'd getting it on with Zhao…."

65…64…63

Did you know that Zula smiled when you scarred Zuko? I'll tell you one thing, for god's sake don't write a book on parenting. Your children are the epitome of sick and twisted. Where's your wife by the way? Did you kill her too? Huh? What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?..."

48…47…46

"For you information, I'm not a bender so forget about an Agni kai. While you're at it, why don't you stop this wretched war? Can't you understand? Fire _isn't _the superior element! We need all _four_ to live. Why can't you live in peace? Hey why are your hands glowing?"

23… 22… 21

Have you _seen_ the Avatar? He's only a little boy! He's just twelve years old. Can you murder a child in cold blood? Of _course_, you can! Look what you did to your_ son_!

Watch it! You'll make the smoke alarms go off."

15…14…13

"And about this comet, I heard you can harness its power. Do you know what you're _doing_? You're utilizing energy from an extra terrestrial source! Scientist's in my world would _die_ to do that. We can't even channel _geothermal_ power properly. So take a step back, _meathead _and look at the bigger picture for a second! You can use the power of the comet to produce electricity. Think of all the possibilities…Central heating…ok you guys don't need _that_, light bulbs, electric razors, hair driers maybe even television…."

3…2…1

"Ping"

-Silence-

"So (gulp)…what are you going to do now? Melt me into a pile of burning flesh and dissolved bone?

"Yes" (smoke alarms go off)

"That's no fun."

"So?"

"Er…………Wanna spy on Iroh and Jun?"

(Alarms stop)………….. (Silence)………….. "Lead the way"

---------------------------------------------The End----------------------------------------------------

**Do you know that the entire time I was writing the last scene Baal danced around me chanting "die, expire, pass away, breath your last, pass on, depart this life, give up the ghost, kick the bucket for heaven sake leave !" well Baal take _that!_ (Looks at readers) "_You_ didn't want me to die did you?" – silence- (takes a sac of Prozac tm)**

**Ok did you miss Baal, do you want him back? (cough-no-cough) Because next chapter is open to suggestions. (thanx for your idea, Liz Mizu)**

**I hope you enjoyed this. **

**Please review.**

**Thankyou,**

**La Femme**

**Reviewers We are Sooooo Grateful. **

**This is just our way of saying thankyou.**

**benlego13-** Weird? Hee hee You should read Gran Gran!

**ConspiracyTheory**- Hey I hope you did well in your test. 21 ,16 Hmm…not much of a difference (just joking). Thanks a bunch. – Baal

**KSC**- Hi there.Yup Baal is a great bro. (I'm just not saying this cuz he's got a gun to my head…no…its worse he's glued his gym socks under my nose…). Thanx again. – La Femme.

**kataang shipper- **Heya, don't get me wrong. I don't hate Kataang, I hate Katara.( my therapist says I have issues with blue eyed girls…). BTW why be a terrorist when you can be a Hit-man? And why kill yourself when you can kill…Hold on a call is coming through…damn it's my therapist again. Yes Mr. Knickersinatwist? I wasn't thinking violent thoughts no way man! I was talking to a fellow sailor about a superb career opportunity… - Baal

**Almostinsane**- What's an OCD? _(Original character detector?)_ Any way the name Lord Baal was from Diablo:Lord of Destruction (the game).No insult was meant to anyone.Thanx for reviewing– La Femme.

**Zukoisgay- **Zuko: "I'm not gay. I just don't enjoy female company."

Me: "Who's company _do _you enjoy then you highness."

Zuko: My father, my Uncle and occasionally lieutenant Ji.

Me: Okaaaaaaaay. Last question. Do you accessorize, colour coordinate and wear silk underwear?

Zuko: Is this a trick question?

(Thanx a lot for reviewing Zukoisgay but don't miss air ball practice Ok?)- LaFemme

**Katara100-** (I'm crying bucket loads of tears, the national reservoirs haven't been this filled since the monsoon of '69) Waaaaaaaaaaah! You mistook me for a _guy_? How did that happen? Sniff sniff. I wore a white dress and_ gloves._ (makes an apponintment with hair dresser and registers for ambush make over.)- La Femme. (lol just kidding, I'm a girl btw and thanx for your lovely review.)

**Zukolover- **hee hee never had _that _reaction before. Now all we need is people to lay down arms and declare world peace after reading fan fiction. Thanks a lot girl. Rock ON!

**Katara1234-** Thankyou very much. You the greatest.

**earthbender- "**Believe me Baal is bad mean nasty and an A-list jerk mkhdiigdfgugfg NO WAY he's sweet, charming, adorable and gfgfkjegjfgsfkjf This is MY PC. Get away jerk. Shut UP sis. I'm telling her the truth Baal. Well I'm telling MOM…………

**ket is over- **"Dinner. Friday night?"- Baal

**elf of rohan- **WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. THANK YOU VERRRRRRRRRRY MUCH. (

**Nastyreviwer- ** We LOVE you Jason. Thank you for believing in **me **when every one though I was a spineless pip sqeak. No, you don't _have_ to like Baal. He has too many fans already.lol – La Femme.

**Katara123- "**Did it hurt?" (looks at you with concern.) "When you fell down from heaven?"- Baal

**DrugAbuser- ** Once upon a time Baal thought Katara was nice, even cute. Then the Water bending Scroll aired. Baal was devastated at the true violent side of Katara. (this is a bit rich froma guy who makes weakly death lists.). That was the end of his infatuation and the beginning of hatred. – La Femme. (Oh You want to marry him? It won't work. He's a commitmentphobic.)

**wackedwriter13- **Thanks a million for the cookies and milk, we were starving.

**Zukoscute2 – **We don't know what to say except, ……….. thanks anyway.

**SleepingDragon13- ** Thanks a lot.

You know you rock.

(We're curious. What exactly happened in the closet with Zuko + Katara? Seven minutes in heaven or three minutes with a pyromaniac? lol)

**Purple MoonShine- **_Let the moon light guide you. Your review was deeply appreciated._

**1bzwriter- **Hey go ahead girl friend. Do the monkey dance! We were overdue for a spiritual cleansing session anywayz. Hee hee. Thank you.

**Lensgirlfriend- **We LOVE you too. Group hug? (Len arrives.)

Len : You messing with my girlfriend? (flexes muscles.)

Us: No. just an innocent hug. No? Ok. ( backs away and blows kisses in lensgirlfriend's direction.)

Len: …and keep your flying spit to your self too…..

(lol)

**Liz Mizu – **Don't die. Please? Our inspiration dies with you. Sniff sniff….

**Grim reaper- ** Wow you guys are 21? Wohoooo.

You know what they say. Break the rule but don't get caught.

Thanx a lot to all of you. – La Femme & Baal

**Dragonsfire867- ** Thankyou for reviewing. But we have a question.**_Who's_** not gay? We didn't get you.

**Ktoe- **Stop right there young lady. Do NOT laugh you ass off. What's gonna look good in your jeans if you lose it? Hee hee. _You_ Rock _our_ socks off.

**Blue Striped White Boxers-** Are your injuries ok now? Hand you a cookie and some asprin and a free hug from La Femme.- Thank you for reviewing.

**Lin13- ** Lin? Last but never the Least. You're really sweeeeeeeet and your reviews are soooooooo nice. We love you with our dual hearts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay guys, someone complained about our Top Ten Jokes format and our account was suspended for two weeks. Who ever squealed, next time plz inform us about any rules that we unknowingly break so that we can modify our stories okay? It isn't nice to go behind hard working authors backs.**

**-Lord Baal & La Femme**

**This chapter is dedicated to LordStriker of Kings of Chaos. He was a great leader and an amazing player. LS if you're reading this, (which we highly doubt) we just want to say that your larger than life personality and frequent scandals with certain unnamed "females" really added spice and flavour to the normal hate and spite of the battle field. As you exit cyber space, we salute your reign of excellence. Good luck in Real Life.- **

**_Striker Clan Lives On! _-La Femme & Lord Baal**

**The word "embarrified" was adopted from a creative story whose name we cannot remember right now…sorry for using it but it was too good to be left alone. Thankyou unknown author. **

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**Top Ten Questions IV**

I tapped my nails on the polished surface of the table as I watched the door for any sign of Baal._ Let's hope he can make it today._ I couldn't help noticing that a certain banished prince's place was empty as well. But this particular fire bender made his presence known, quickly enough.

Everyone stared as Zuko strode up to the table, slammed his fists down and leaned forward until I nearly fainted from that deliciously revolting breath of his. Note to self: _fire breathing cannot replace tooth brushing…hee hee…and he hadn't used the life time's supply of breath mints either. Ungrateful brat! _

"Have—you—been—talking—to—my--father?" Zuko forced out between clenched teeth.

I decided to play safe. "Why?"

The restless Fire Prince took out a scroll tied with a red ribbon and waved it in front of my face. "Two days ago my father sends me _this_!"

"Aaaand?"

"He says I don't need to capture the Avatar to restore my honour anymore, that someone showed him how ridiculously stupid he has acted."

I stared at Zuko in disbelief and slowly the meaning of his words dawned on me. _Oh my God! Ozai actually listened to what I told him. Wow. I did it. Me. Not the Avatar. Me. I reunited a father and son. My words stopped a dictator and ended his war. _I felt great as a warm fuzzy glow enveloped me. Zuko was expecting a response so I gave him a wide smile.

"Zuko that's _amazing_. I'm soooooo glad for you."

Zuko took a deep breath. "I'm not finished. He says he doesn't _care_ if I fail to bring back the Avatar. All he wants is… I tuned out to savour this delicious moment. _All he wants is his son back……yummy I just love these happy endings!_

"…the Loch ness monster, Yeti, Big Foot, King Kong, Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer and something called Shrek…or that could be a spelling mistake."

A ringing silence followed.

My warm fuzzy feeling kneeled over and died.

When in doubt...? That's right. _Deny_. before I could open my mouth to ask for a repetition, Zuko slumped into a chair and dropped his face into his hands. "Why me?" The single question hung in the air, unanswered.

_Damn it! Why did I let Ozai watch television? Why? Why? Why? OMG did he see the documentary on the Nazi holocaust too? I've created a monster!_

"Well Aang I guess _you're_ off the hook." Sokka grinned at the air bender and slapped him on the back. "While _you_ sucker…" he turned on Zuko. "Got them _all_; hook, line and sinker… HA HA HA"

As usual Katara spoke up, to live up to her title of Katara: The last Orator of the South pole. "_Sokka, _don't be insensitive you dumb brute. Don't you feel the least bit sorry for Prince Zuko? I mean,_ look_, even with all his fire benders, catching Aang was nearly impossible but now he has to catch all these monsters I've never even heard of. He'll never be able to do it. Seeing as how stubborn he is, He will die trying. He'll sail the oceans in vain. With each sunset of every futile day his hope of returning home would perish as will his soul until only his body would remain devoid of any human emotion lacking…"

"FINE, FINE I GET IT !" Zuko roared and turned a pleading face at Sokka, "Next time YOU insult me, don't let you sister monologue…_please. _Show some mercy."

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I wanted to distract Zuko fast, but someone's timely arrival did just that.

Baal stepped into the boardroom.

"Sorry I'm late, had a major wardrobe crisis. I nearly couldn't find the perfect gear."

"You dress in black! What's there to choose?" Zuko sneered automatically, the entrance of his rival driving away his bleak mood swiftly.

"Hey this ain't black, this is onyx." Baal retorted.

"What's the difference?" Zuko said raising his eyebrows.

"It's a deeper shade." Ball snorted taking his seat.

"Yeah right. It's black. Just like your hair, your eyes, your socks, your everything. Shows just how _imaginative_ you really are."

"Watch it buster. The eyes are black…I'll give you that. The cloak is onyx, the pants are ebony and the shoes are noir. Got a problem?" Baal asked his lip curling.

Zuko twitched. "Coal is black too. So is soot. Fire can reduce anything to coal and soot." He smiled grimly making a small flame dance on his palm.

"Yeah?" Baal eyed the flame wearily.

"Yeah!"

"So?"

"So what?"

"Just that!"

"That's it?"

"Fine."

"Fine then!"

"#& off!"

"Like wise."

"Are you done?" I asked rolling my eyes. _Boys!_ _Well atleast Zuko's back to scowling. That's normal, maybe the next item on the agenda will cheer him up. NOT! Hee hee._

"The next item is a debate, between Zutara shippers and Kataang shippers." I announced grinning._ Oh this is going to be fun._

"For those of you who do not understand the meaning of these terms, Zutara shippers believe that Katara should end up with Zuko and have his babies, while Kataang shippers think Aang's the man for her." I looked at Zuko who's face was red as the flame he produced earlier and Katara who looked embarrified. (Past embarrassed and beyond horrified.)

"We have invited two representatives each, for both Zutara and Kataang, to explain to us the reasons and evidence they have to support each ship. Baal if you could buzz them in now…"

Baal pressed a button under the desk and the double doors opened to reveal four girls escorted by four agents. _And_ _Boy what a weird bunch they were._

The four representatives made their way to the table all the while shooting glances that could only be described as lusty, at Zuko. The Prince for his part, took this open adoration quite well considering all the winks, air kisses and open mouthed stares directed his way.

The Zutara representatives took their seats on my right while the Kataang shippers sat opposite them.

Knowing the extreme devotion dedicated to the Avatarian males in the room, Baal and I were well prepared for floods of tears, catfights, torn out eyes/ limbs/ private parts. But the ambassadors were silent and limited themselves to hypnotized stares and drooling mouths. Until……One Kataang girl grabbed Aang and tried to hug him. Aang tried to pull away in mortal fear. Predictably, Katara pried the fan's fingers off Aang and pulled him back to his seat.

"GET-AWAY-FROM-HIM!" Katara screamed glaring death at the fan girl.

"You better calm down, these girls still have to present their case. And judging from the smile of the fan you just molested, I can say that you just increased Kataang's chances of winning." Baal smiled evilly.

Not to be out done, one Zutara delegate leaned across her companion and stuck her face inches from the Zuko's. We watched in awe as she leaned in closer and took an almighty sniff, swooned with pleasure and melted into her seat in complete bliss._ Okaaaay…_

Baal coughed discretely to end the madness and gestured to the girl on his right, "Ok Zutara'sno1fan, as the representative of those backing Katara + Zuko, tell us your reasons for supporting Zutara."

The girl jumped up and sighed like a horse. "OH MY GOD LIKE THIS IS SO UNREAL LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY…"

"Then shut up." Baal shot the girl with a tranquilliser gun and watched as two agents carried her slumped form, out of the boardroom.

Baal turned to Zukosno1fan's second in command. "Do you think_ you _can do a better job?"

I examined the girl from head to toe. She had on a black business suit, wore professional glasses and carried a brief case that looked heavy._ Oh, she'll do the job alright. I wonder if she'll give us bathroom breaks._

The Zutara camp's second in commandsnapped open her brief case, took out a bundle of papers labled **P**r**OOF**, and lovingly deposited them on the table. Now all we could only see was the top of her coiffured head.

At my signal, her disembodied voice started speaking. "_Zutara_…" she whispered, "the very word suggests romance. Hot, fiery, _passionate_ romance unlike Kataang … (here she shot a sneer at her opponents.) unlike _Kataang _which sounds like someone banging two dustbins together."

(Baal frowned at the Kataang worshippers who were restrained by two agents but nevertheless shrieked death threats and four letter insults.)

Zutara'sno2fan cleared her throat. "As I was saying Zuko's intense personality is matched perfectly by Katara's firm yet calm character. Just _look _at them…" here she gestured at the shuddering Katara and the scowling Zuko. "Their mere presence in the same room makes the air cackle with electricity."

Baal waved a hand dismissively "_Nah_, that's just the faulty wiring. The engineers who built this place totally sucked."

I shot Baal a murderous glance. "Hey didn't you tell me your imagination was completely harmless, Mr. I'm so cheap I can't afford safe wiring?"

Baal grinned. "Just joking sis. Keep your shirt on."

"Ahem, can I like _continue_?" Zutara second in command snapped.

"Like _whatever_." Baal snapped back.

"Fine. We all know, or at least those of us whose heads aren't so deluded and full of shit know, that Prince Zuko is hundred percent redeemable. (Sneer) You all saw "The Storm" so you know that what compels Zuko to catch Aang is not for personal gain unless you call regaining your honour personal gain, which it isn't."

"What _is_ it then? A _Common Goal_?" Baal questioned rolling his eyes.

Unfortunately this girl was tough as nails. She continued ignoring the interruption.

"Zuko wants his honour so that he can go back home and claim the throne. He has the Fire nation's best interests at heart. He knows that this war is destroying the World. Zuko isn't blood thirsty or power hungry all he needs is his daddy's love…"

"GROSS!" both Baal and Sokka simultaneously retched.

The girl steam rolled ahead. "When he becomes fire lord he'll put an end to the war…"

"So you're saying all that's needed to stop a hundred year war is to let this ponce," Sokka jerked a thumb in Zuko's direction, "capture Aang? Girl…you're more dumb than you look."

"And you Sokka, have the intelligence of a inbred door nail." Miss Professional snarled. She then breathed in deeply, arranged her face into a fake smile and continued.

"Now that we've established Zuko's inner innocence, who better than Katara to redeem him? She's motherly, beautiful, passionate and she has a tendency to take in wounded souls…Their perrrrrfect for each other."

"You give a very weak case" Baal smirked.

The girl continued as if she didn't hear him.

"Going on I have to say how bad _Kataang _is as a relationship." The girl pointed at Aang who sniffled. "Girls always fall for the hottest guy. That's a fact. Zuko has muscles; he has a well toned body and a sexy scar. What does Aang have? Primitive tattoos all over his body, a very starved body at that. Also he's only twelve and has no understanding into the deeper meaning of love. All he has is a small crush on Katara, which will soon go away.

"That's beside the point." Baal pointed out.

The girl ignored him again. I wondered how long Baal will take this silent treatment_. FYI He didn't like being ignored._

"What I'm saying is Aang wouldn't lose much if Katara left him for Zuko but if Zuko lost Katara that would break his heart."

"Zuko has a heart? That's news." Baal drawled. "But I can't see why he'd shatter is achy breaky heart over a girl he barely sees. I personally think Zuko won't give a flying shit if Katara rolled over and died."

"Hey!" Katara punched Zuko. "I thought I was special."

"Shove it woman!" Zuko snarled rubbing his sore arm.

"No Zuko you love Katara. You may not show it; you may not know it. But when she's with you, all your troubles go away." The professional implored.

"No they don't." Baal scoffed.

"How do _you_ know? You're not Zuko!" the girl scoffed back.

"She doesn't take all my troubles away, she brings them back along with more!" Zuko snarled.

"Shut up!" Katara raved.

"He is nothing but a very angsty Prince with a huge ego, a disowned, hated, humiliated, unlovable little hot head who doesn't care about love/friends/ginseng tea. All he wants is his damn honour!" Baal concluded his argument with a bang to the table with his fist.

The Zutara girl gnashed her teeth, clenched her fists and stomped her feet, but no explosion seemed forthcoming. _Then _she opened her mouth.

"DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK ABOUT ZUKO THAT WAY! HE'S A WAY BETTER GUY THAN YOU. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU HATE HIM CUZ HE'S HOT! ...YOU JUST HATE HIM CUZ HE'S BLACK!"

A ringing silence followed. Baal stared at the girl as if she was mad. Actually, everyone was staring at her as if she was mad.

Zuko and Katara who had been ready to kill her stared at the girl after she said the totally out of place comment.

The girl seemed to come to her senses because—

"Now that I have your undivided attention, I would like to conclude this debate with this: Zutara is an excellent relationship, they are meant to be. As they say opposites, attract—

"Really? If it was that way Osama and George Bush would get along just fine"

The girl ignored Baal's interruption again, stopping only to give him a deadly glare.

"— but Aang and Katara are just friends and she acts more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. So I would say that Kataang is a hideous couple."

"Further more I'd like to add…"

"That's enough!" Baal declared.

"I'm not finished." the girl stated in a dangerous tone.

"Oh you are…" Baal smiled like a shark. "And when _I'm_ finished with you, you'll never work in _this _town again."

I watched as Baal brought up his tranquilliser gun, aimed it at the fan girl and shot her in the chest. Two agents came and dragged her out. . The Kataang shippers cheered.

I spoke up (finally). "Baal you can't do that. We're supposed to be impartial. We've got to treat Zutara and Kataang in the same way."

Baal waved his hand. "No problem, I'll be equally rude to Kataang."

The Kataang shippers groaned.

"If I heard one more reason I should fall in love with the water bender, I would have fried her myself." Zuko said.

"On that I agree!' Katara replied.

"You can't fry people" Zuko commented. Katara scowled. I broke up the tension before Katara ripped out his eyes.

"Oh, if you think Zutara was bad you should listen to these hippies!" Baal laughed when the two Kataang fans shouted "_Hey!"_

Baal nodded to one of the two remaining guards in the office.

"Bring back the first Zutara shipper" the guard nodded and left the room.

"Ok, you," Baal pointed at a particularly ditzy hippie, "tell us why you support Kataang, and why you hate Zutara."

"Ok dude, Katara is the first girl Aang saw, so if I say so myself man they are meant to be together"

"I advise you to drop the 'dude' and the 'man'" I said.

"Sorry man, can't help it."

Baal gritted his teeth.

"Even though Aang is only twelve and acts like it, I say that he is more mature than that. He really loves Katara and man you have to agree that she loves him too!"

I looked at Katara. She was blushing like mad. Baal nudged Aang, and when he didn't react, pushed him bodily onto to Katara. She let out a small scream and pushed Aang out of her lap. Sokka pulled the confused Avatar back to his chair.

I was about to start screaming at Baal when the agent came back with the girl who couldn't talk proper English- Zutara'sno1fan.

"Have you learned your lesson?" Baal asked glancing at the foaming girl. She had just passed Zuko.

"Yes like, Zuko's like the best and he's like the cutest and Zutara is like…" the girl stopped her ranting the moment she saw the gun.

"Good, I asked you a question, to which the answer is now obvious. If you speak out of turn again…" Baal took out a sleek silver Remington shotgun and laid it on the table. "I will use this gun and believe me this is a real one"

Zutara'sno1fan shrugged and took her seat.

I nodded to the ditzy hippy, "Go on"

"Yes as I was saying, Katara is a calm and responsible girl, Aang is a hyperactive kid, he needs attention and someone to control him. Who better than Katara to do all this? She can control Aang; she is a mother and a friend. However, to Aang she is much, much more. She is his girlfriend and Aang is Katara's boyfriend. Even though she will deny it, she loves him" the hippy looked at Katara and gave an ugly smile.

Katara blushed more deeply. Aang's head was red and his arrows were standing out.

"Exactly, this is the same thing that I had in mind" Baal clapped his hands. "But I need a reason to shoot you… so…" Baal took out his gun and shot her. An agent took her away.

"OK, can you continue?" I smiled at the other Kataang shipper who made a rude hand gesture towards Baal.

But before the girl could open her mouth Zutara'sno1fan cut in,

"I like Zutara coz I like Zuko coz he's cute coz he has a six pack coz he's sexay and he's HOT!"

I thought the weird girl was finished but apparently, she wasn't.

"Zutara works coz like Katara is HOT and Zuko is HOT and he is 'muscley' and has a sexay scar and coz he always likes to steal her stuff and coz he likes to touch her and coz he…" she never got to finish her monologue.

Zuko stood up and threw a fireball at her screaming, "I DO NOT LIKE TO STEAL THINGS FROM THE WATER PEASENT GIRL! AND I DO NOT LIKE TO TOUCH HER!"

Just after Zuko finished his screaming match Baal got up held the "real" gun to her head and led her towards the French windows. He opened one, held her hand and pushed her body off the ledge.

"DON"T YOU UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAID NOT TO SPEAK IN YOUR VILE LANGUAGE. DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE DONT WANT YOU TO SPEAK! DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE 'GUN'? NOW WATCH AS YOU DIE!"

I immediately came running and pulled back the trembling girl. Baal shook his head and looked around the table. Shocked faces greeted him.

Baal shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, I've done worse." Everyone took in a sharp breath.

Baal ignored them and took his seat.

I tried to pull away his gun but he immediately grabbed it and said, "You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically abusive, cold, dead hand."

Everyone stared at him, including me_. Baal seriously needed to see his shrink._

"Please continue what your predecessor was saying," I said to the remaining Kataang shipper.

The girl gulped and continued, "As seen in the water bending scroll, Katara will never give any information regarding Aang to Zuko or any other guy. She is loyal to him and him alone, she has enough brains to know who is bad and who is not. Therefore, she can see very well that Zuko is not of the kindhearted kind, he comes from a family of very aggressive, mentally disturbed people."

"So what you're saying is that Zuko's like school during summer?" Baal interjected.

"What _is_ school during summer?" the girl asked.

"No class" I finished for him.

Everyone except the Zuko fan and Zuko laughed.

"Please continue," I said.

"As I was saying, Katara does not know about Aang's crush on her yet, and I believe that if she finds out and she will, soon enough, what happens in all Kataang fan fictions will happen. She will confess her love for him as well. Aang's love for her has been growing ever since that day in the fortuneteller. He stands up for her like he did in water bending master."

"I would like to conclude my speech by saying that as the fortune teller said, Katara will marry a powerful bender. It could be Zuko, it could be Haru, and it could be Aang. However, Aang has the best opportunity because if she does not marry him and Aang dies the avatar cycle will be broken. As he is the last air bender there will never be another avatar born of the Air Normads."

Everyone was silent for a moment. What the girl had said was so true. If Aang dies without any air-bending children, after a Water, Earth and Fire Avatar, there will never be any more Avatars as the cycle will be broken and the world will plunge into chaos.

"Any last words?" Baal asked. The girl looked scared. Baal smirked. "No, not in that way"

"Well, I think Zutara never had a chance because Zuko never wanted Katara in the first place. Also I will bet my life that Katara will never betray Aang" the girl smiled at Katara and leaned back in her chair.

"Now's the time for the verdict." I announced. "You have heard both parties and their reasons and evidence to support their respective ships…" I stopped in mid sentence as the double doors opened and Baal's new secretary Mary Sue stepped in to the boardroom.

I scowled. I hated Sue. She was just nauseatingly perfect. I had, on multiple occasions tried to get Baal to fire her. Three guesses the outcome of _that_!

As always, Miss Sue was immaculate and flawless. Today she was wearing a skirt that the size of a handkerchief, which was slit up both sides. Her provocative "blouse" and I use the term blouse loosely, hid _nothing._

As she glided up to us, her silvery blond/ fiery copper/dazzling chestnut/ luminous blue/ lustrous ebony hair swayed seductively. Her intelligent/liquid/shining/azure /ruby/emerald/stormy eyes flashed in the sunlight.

On her resume, she claimed to have the ability to bring world peace/ cure the common cold/ perform brain surgery/ recite quantum physics/time travel and speak 567 languages including German, French, Bitch and Italian.

Obviously the moment she stepped in to the boardroom, all the males started ogling her with open mouths. Sokka's jaw was on the floor, Zuko's scar seemed to be miraculously healing, Aang would have passed out if Katara wasn't holding his eyes shut.

The girls around the table bristled as a telepathic _bitch alert!_ flew around the room.

"Sir…" she purred at Baal. Her voice was silky/smooth/rich/classy/ sophisticated and sultry.

"What is it?" I snapped as Baal had apparently gone speechless.

"I have a message for Baal." She sneered.

"Your _boss_ is indisposed. You can leave the message with me." I sneered back.

Mary Sue dropped her 'sexy' tone and snapped, "There is a phone call for _Baal_ from Karu and Ket shippers. They want to know why they aren't represented today."

Baal regained his composure and cleared his throat.

"Er…We haven't come to a decision yet. I'll get back to you later."

"I'll bet." Muttered a Kataang shipper under her breath.

"_Of course,_ Sir…"Mary Sue flashed a seductive smile and left the room.

I glanced at the Zutara and Kataang representatives who were cracking their knuckles and smirked. "Do you girls want to _get to know_ Baal's secretary?" I asked in a fake serious tone.

"Yeah!" "Sure" "Can't wait!" the females chorused sharing evil smiles with each other, all their differences set aside before this common enemy.

"Why…?" Baal started confused.

"Oh it's a girl thing, don't worry about it." I deflected his question with ease as the ambassadors got up and left the room pulling clubs/pitch forks/base ball bats/hockey sticks from their person. Katara would have left too if she wasn't covering Aang's eyes with a death grip.

A few minutes later a blood curdling silky/smooth/rich/classy/ sophisticated/sultry scream ripped through the air.

"OK PEOPLE LET'S GET ON WITH IT" I yelled drowning the scream. "Katara THE FINAL DECISION LIES WITH YOU, SO IN THE NEXT MEETING WE WILL BRING ALL THE EIGIBLE BACHELORS AND DO A LITTLE GAME to select your soul mate. IS THAT ALRIGHT WITH YOU?"

"SURE" Katara yelled back.

"Ok people this meeting is adjourned, take care not to step in the blood/gore/intestine/pulp puddle outside the door Okay?"

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**Wheeeeeee. Oh my Gawd that was one monster of a chapter. Baal and I had many a**

**Battle/fight/brawl/clash/tussle/scuffle while writing this.**

**Hee Hee, sorry about the Mary Sue thing; They are annoying aren't they?**

**Ok guys the next chapter is the last and believe us when we say it's gonna be a fitting finale…but the story isn't finished yet. We thought up a crazy sequel called "Trapped in Your Mind." **

**BTW also read our new humour fic – "Forgive me Father I'm going Insane" and the new poem "Sink That Ship"**

**Also Baal's Avatar/Harry Potter crossover is published in the account Lord Striker.**

**Check them out!**

**We'd love to hear from you So Plz Review and tell us what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is it guys…the final chapter…and we _still_ don't own Avatar.**

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**Final Meeting**

**8 am**

**16th July 2006**

**Boardroom V**

**Baal Industries.**

**Baal's imagination.**

I sat at the head of the table with Baal. No one was late this time. The mood was subdued for everyone knew that this was the last time we met. Even Zuko had the decency to limit him self to two insults…two for_ each person._

The room seemed more crowded than usual, as we had not forgotten our promise… Today was the day Katara would select her true love. True to our word, all the eligible bachelors of the Avatar World were present for Kat's appraisal.All the eligible bachelors minus the fat /married /old/ Ozai named /psychotic men.

Jet was chewing a blade of grass while rocking his chair on two legs. Haru was wrestling with a hairbrush; Zuko was simultaneously watching Aang and all possible exits, no doubt remembering this was his final chance to abduct the Avatar in neutral territory. Oblivious to this Aang was "reading" the latest issue of Playboy held discreetly under the table out of Katara's view.

The final bachelor sat at the end of the table with a disposable container attached to his mouth. He was none other than the foaming dude from Kyoshi Island.

"Hey… you there." I called out to him. "I can't keep calling you foaming guy, so can we have a name please?"

"(Gurgle) Gick Gun Grool" he spoke up through a mouth full of foam.

"If I had to guess…" Baal cut in, smirking, "He just said _Pick One Fool_."

"Ok..aay." I frowned, "How about Dick?"

"(Gurgle) Grod GNo."

"I'll take that as a yes! The foaming Dude is hence forth known as Dick!"

"_They're mad if they think I'm attracted to him!"_ whispered Katara to Sokka indignantly.

Baal heard the comment and shot Katara a glare. "Ungrateful twit, do you know how much we had to bribe these guys to get them here? You aren't that popular you know! So be thankful Dick is here instead of the cabbage man"

Katara gagged.

"Enough! _Please_. Let us start!" I shouted but before I could continue, our attention was diverted to a huge bang at the entrance.

Baal glanced towards the noise and screwed his eyes shut. Zuko looked at the entrance too and exhaled sharply as he saw the woman blocking the doorway.

The figure took up every spare inch of the double doors, effectively blocking the light from the sun. Consequently, the whole office was thrown into darkness.

The most hideous woman anyone had ever seen… it was…it was… ANTI-SUE!

Baal's new secretary.

The woman tried to walk in through the doorway but she got stuck. Ten agents came and tried to push her in but without success. Suddenly:

"Doh…Me hungry," she rasped in a low guttural voice and ate the nearest agent. All the others backed away and ran.

The occupants in the room just sat there in silence, taking in her every detail…_every revolting detail._

A 280-pound lump with pimples oozing pus. Her lanky hair was filled with insects of all kinds, some which you only find in the Amazon rainforest.

She lifted her arm to scratch her head and a whole bucket full of fat dripped off. She quickly scooped it up again and stuffed it back up her sleeve muttering a slow 'S-O-R-R-Y!'

Her legs were the size of those hundred-year-old trees found only in New Zealand, they were also dripping in fats and oils.

Every guest turned and simultaneously looked at Baal.

"Don't look at me." Baal groused. "La Femme hired her. My poor eyes…" he whined

If the Mary sues healed wounds, anti sues opened them. If Mary made people see, anti sues blinded!

I looked around the table and saw all the males take a vow of celibacy. _Wow, I didn't know the effect was so bad!_

Baal threw me a pathetic look.

"Why'd you have to hire her sis? Why do you like to torture me? ME, who doesn't' harm a fly!"

"Yeah right! Tell me why you hired Mary Sue?" I scoffed.

"I didn't hire Mary Sue cuz she was pretty." Baal complained.

"No?" I smirked.

"No. That woman could make the best cup of coffee, EVER!" Baal scowled. "Now I have no coffee at all. This woman must be shitting in the cup instead of making coffee!" Baal put his head and his hands and pouted.

"Sexist!" Katara screamed.

Baal didn't bother to comment.

"S-I-R,… I… H-A-V-E… Y-O-U-R… C-O-F-F-E-E…!" the woman stuck at the door said slowly.

Baal didn'r reply as he was too busy thinking of how sharp the blade would have to be to slit his wrists.

"Why does she talk so slowly?" Katara asked.

But before Baal could reply, Sokka suddenly spoke up, "Man is that her _face_? It looks like her neck threw up!" Everyone except the girls laughed. Baal perked up immediately.

"Wow, her waist size should be called the 'Equator'!" Zuko stated. Baal fell on to floor laughing.

"I met her in the street while I was driving … she was so fat that when I swerved to avoid her I ran out of gas!" Baal was beating the carpet with his fists. Katara scowled.

"She's so slow, she'll have to speed up to stop!" Sokka howled.

"Classic!" Haru cried.

"She's so dumb, I saw her throw a rock at the ground and she missed!" Baal stuffed his fists in his mouth to stop laughing.

"You know Baal we should really get going." I said looking at the boy who was rolling around on the floor with mirth.

"C'mon! Just one more, she's so fat she has three heart attacks DAILY!" Baal stated as the woman screwed up her eyes in pain as she had another heart attack. Baal forced himself to sit back down. He was still shaking from laughter. Even I had to control myself, the jokes were mean but I was sure that the weird woman at the door was too stupid to understand the jokes anyway. I was satisfied to know that Baal actually hated his secretary. I wrote it down on my list of 'Great Things Accomplished in my Lifetime'.

A few seconds later Baal's infamous scowl was back on his face. Zuko put on his too for full effect.

"Ok, you, you, you, you and you" Baal said pointing at the five bachelors, "Go and sit in those chairs facing the windows." The boys took their seats muttering.

Suddenly the foaming dude got up and crashed out of the French windows. Everyone hurried to the hole in the glass in utter shock.

The sight was amazing.

The foaming guy was falling down in slow motion with a trail of foam behind him.

Baal shook his head. "Oh, this is going to be bad!"

"That guy just died and all you can say is—" Baal held up his hand and silenced Katara.

"I'll take care of this on my own thank you." Baal took out a phone and talked into it, "take out the trash on the ground floor. All evidence must be removed" Baal closed his phone and took a seat facing the (now) four boys. I took the seat beside him.

"Ok let's start this who-is-Katara's-true-love-Q&A," I said. Everyone took his or her respective seats.

"I will ask the first question," Baalsaid. The room was still in perpetual shadow thanks to the woman stuck at the door.

"**How many grand children will Katara have?"** Baal shot the question at the shaken guests. Ishook my head in disbelief at the utter stupidity of that question, _how are they supposed to know?_

Katara awaited the answers expectantly. So was Aang who had never learned of human reproduction.

"As much as_ I_ want" Zuko muttered after a brief moment of silence.

out of the corner of his mouth Aang whispered, "Sokka help me out here"

"As many as needed to build my personal anti _fire bender army_" Jet cut in before Sokka could say anything.

"No thank you. I'm the only child and I want all my father's attention on ME. Got it?" Haru stated firmly. Baal rolled his eyes and took out the next question.

Katara scowled and asked her own question before Baal could dominate the questionnaire.

"**Do you think I'm pretty?"**

For some reason this question seemed to offend Zuko. He turned and ugly shade of puce and growled. "NOT too pretty for me."

Aang chose to ignore this weird statement and gushed, "You're beauty divine." Katara blushed in pleasure at his words. However, her joy was short lived for Jet answered next. "I've seen better"

Jet's murder was stalled due to Haru. The earth bender performed another crazy rant.

"My father IS a handsome man. I'm not saying this because I'm his son. No, he has a certain aura around him. When he speaks people listen. I missed him for the five years he was gone you know. Sniff sniff."

Baal had enough and made it known. "Excuse me _dumbo,_ do you think Katara is pretty or not? We don't want a report of your obsession with your own father ok?"

Haru blinked in confusion. "Katara? Ugh. She's a _girl_."

Baal knocked himself out.

_Pin drop silence._

I cleared my throat. "(cough) Let's move on…"

Katara tore her gaze away from Haru with difficulty. "**If I was trapped in a burning tower, how would you rescue me?"**

Zuko sneered "Who said I would rescue you?" Katara glared back.

"Blah blah air bending blah." Aang lectured.

"I'll create a stairway of rock right up to the pinnacle of the tower and I'll sweep you into my arms and bring you down to safety. No fire shall consume _my _father." Haru expressed in a dreamy voice. Haru was lucky that Baal was comatose.

"When your screams attract the fire benders I will attack in the V- formation and take them down." read Jet from, _'How To Attack the Fire Nation and Get Away With It, by Jeong Jeong._

"Okaaaaaay right. On with the questions." I muttered_. This was getting too weird_.

"**What is the my most prized possession?"**

"You_ actually _own something?" Zuko sneered.

"Your mother's necklace…" Aang said doubtfully. Katara nodded in agreement and Aang brightened up.

"My father wasn't a materialistic man but he did have a fondness for the whip." I stared at Haru as he replied oh so casually. _Who's idea was it to bring him anyway? Oh yeah mine…he he he._

"I don't know but I hope it's some sort of WMD to wipe out the fire benders." Jet stated quite emotionlessly.

"**If I marry you, what will I get as a wedding present?"** Katara plowed on with determination.

"You'll get me and my uncle." Zuko said clearly. Katara fainted at the idea of living with that old nutcase.

"Anything you want Katara. A pebble? A flower, another necklace you name it," Aang said innocently.

"We're getting married? OH MY GAWD….i've been waiting sooooooooooooo long, father. I would have acted sooner but I thought it was illegal." Haru screamed in pleasure.

"Er…yes the fire nation will surely attack a wedding. That's when we strike!" Jet pounded his chair.

"**What's my favourite past time?" **

"Monologuing" Zuko stated the absolute truth with one word. Katara gritted her teeth. _Truth hurts little girl _I thought to myself.

"Practicing water bending" Aang uttered the wrong answer for once.

"Staring at my farther changing his clothes after 5 years. 5 YEARS people. C'mon can't you understand the anguish a child would feel not seeing his father for 5 years?"

Baal chose this moment to wake up and was unfortunate to hear all of this.

"Oh you poor…" Baal fought with himself and finally finished with, "…freak show" and knocked himself out again.

Jet intervened. "Favourite past time? I'd have to say you have a fondness for aiding the Fire Nation by freezing certain heroic resistance leaders to tree trunks." Jet muttered giving an evil look at Katara who heartily returned it.

"**If I ever run away hurt, would you come search for me?"**

"Sure if the Avatar is with you… if not, I will offer a feast to the gods thanking them for taking you away." Zuko noted down happily.

"I will search the earth, the moon, the stars, and the water just like Zuko did to capture me. But unlike Zuko I will actually _find_ you." Aang said dramatically. Zuko rolled his eyes.

"If you run away, I will run away with you, to comfort you, to see to your needs."

Everyone sighed thinking that Haru was finally getting on track.

"NEVER! NEVER I SAID!" Jet screamed for some unknown reason. He immediately took some pills… Baal's pills.

"**How much do you have in your bank account?"**

Baal suddenly woke up. "_Bank_… ?" he muttered. He always came around whenever he heard that word.

Zuko sniffed scornfully, "I'm a Prince. I don't _have_ a bank account. I own the freaking _BANK."_

"Don't look at me," Aang averted his eyes, "…I'm just a simple monk. Ok ok so what? I stole all the gold from the monks at the temple and that's why they died, they died of starvation. And I just HAD to lose the key to the vault too, in that bloody storm…" Aang hung his head in shame.

Katara gasped. Sokka grinned like the idiot he was.

Baal leaned over and whispered, "You know, you have to consider being my partner in crime. Can't deny the position to a mastermind like you."

Aang would have replied if Katara hadn't pushed Baal away.

"Keep him out of your petty crimes!" she shouted. Baal snorted. Only I knew how 'petty' his crimes were.

"No comment" Haru whispered silently.

"If I _had _a bank account, do you _think _I'll bother with this resistance shit?" Jet made a very good point.

This was getting totally and utterly useless so I decided to intervene.

"**Do you guys even _want _to marryKatara?"**

"No, I was just playing along…" Zuko sneered.

Aang shuffled his feet "No. Don't look at me like that! I think I'm too young to be tied down.No wait… My Career comes first…No… I think we should let our relationship mature. Er…Yeah that's it." Aang read aloud from the '_Ultimate Break-up guide by Jun Kamikaze_.'

"Katara? No. My Father? OF COURSE" Haru performed a triple axel in pleasure .

"NO!" Jet screamed before downing some more pills. I stared at him for a moment before grabbing some pills and taking some myself.

Baal sighed knowing that he had just wasted a lot of time for a stupid little girl.

Suddenly the noise of a chainsaw just outside the boardroom was heard. Baal took a step closer to the woman blocking the door just as she screamed. The noise was so loud Baal was thrown against the other wall. Baal got up dazed and to his amazement saw two dozen girls wearing 'Marry me Zuko' shirts trying to hack their way through the lump of fat that had been stuck near the door.

"Everybody go to the window" Baal shouted pushing the others towards the French windows.

He pressed a button under his desk and a hover copter glided outside and waited while the French windows opened and a bridge came up leading to it.

We immediately ran towards the helicopter. Zuko came last and on his way tripped on a randomly dropped playboy magazine. I watched in horror as he fell very slowly and crashed onto the carpet. It was no surprise that he was immediately set upon by his own drooling fans.

"Zukooooooooooooooooo" I screamed, reaching out my hand. The Prince tried to grab it but missed and was completely overwhelmed by the rabid fan girls. Everything moved in slow motion. "Noooooooooooooooo" I screamed, trying desperately to catch hold of his outstretched arm, "Leave him La Femme, there's nothing we can do." shouted Baal as he pulled me back. . "No, we can't leave him…" I cried, and then I realized that this has turned out to be a crappy B-rated movie and shut my mouth.

The copter glided away, as the office grew smaller and smaller…

**Sorry guys for keeping you for so long, but as always RL comes first. This is the end of the Top Ten Questions, and even though we hoped to put in a sequel, we are unable to do so. We shall of course continue with the Hell High soon.**

**Hope you guys like it coz it and thanks for staying for so long. The last review made us finally complete this crazy tale of never ending questions and fun.  
**

**With this we leave you all until we come back with another chapter for Hell High.**

**Always Yours,**

**Baal & Femme.**


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